How The Way You Think Can Change Your Personality?
Well, I can’t tell anybody how to live, but I can tell you how life can be different and you can choose to try or not.
Please stop!
You most probably have had thoughts like :
I am not good at Math!
I can’t draw!
I can’t sing!
I can’t write!
I am not good at sports!
I have a big nose!
...whatever…
the list is long…
These are examples. Now is your turn.
Please write your list — with all the negative beliefs you keep repeating to yourself.
I bet you have these or other beliefs about yourself that became who you think you are. Yes, of course, you have heard them somewhere or not. Even worse, you assume them and start repeating them to yourself and others. Guess what?! The more you repeat them, the more they become reality. This is how your personality has been developed. It dictates your actions or resistance and hence your life. The good news here is that you did all this unintentionally, unwillingly.
I believe now you remember about all these quiet or loud voices in your head that sometimes you say them out loud and truly believe in them. And maybe at this point, you are convinced of what I am saying until you have realized:
“But this is how I am. I have been this all my life. I cannot be another!!! “
Here at this point of the article, you might be on the borderline to continue or not and might be thinking
- that I am not telling you the truth and even trying to “erase” your existence so far by telling you that what you are is not really what you can be in life.
or
- that what I am telling you is an echo of a small voice inside of you that you hear every time you make the same mistake and after that every time you have a feeling that your life can be different, but you keep asking yourself — HOW?
Well, I can’t tell anybody how to live, but I can tell you how life can be different and you can choose to try or not.
The way you have lived so far is OK. It made you who you are today. Be grateful. Accept it. Take only its lessons. Now is the time to live differently by changing the ideas, beliefs about yourself, that are only in your head.
You are free to choose what to think, what to say, and what to do. By making those choices you become a different person with a different identity, different personality. You become someone you chose to be, not somebody you have been told to be.
It is not easy! Only worthy!
…and dear, we are all there…on the way of creating the life we deserve
Let’s start!!!
Create your future self
Who you are right now is not who you are going to be in 10 years. You evolve. If you do not believe me — think about yourself 10 years ago. You have been a different person with a different look and different mindset. That is natural. Most probably you grow up and change because you have experienced certain events. They happened and you reacted, you took your lessons or not, and moved on.
What if the lessons you learn, the path you walk on, are intentional. What do I mean: You create the vision of your future self and act according to it with the full consciousness of who you want to be. Sounds good!?
Do you dare to let go of all your old beliefs and imagine yourself without them doing the things your future self would do? Take a pen and paper and start writing. Make a story if you want! Imagine what kind of person you want to be! Describe a situation and how your future self will act, look, think based on its values and purpose in life! I know it is not believable, but words are powerful because they built up your thinking. Do you remember what I have told you at the beginning of this article: The more you repeat them, the more they become reality.
Now it is time to take the first list about yourself that I asked you to write before? Tear it down, better burn it, and create a new one with beliefs that bring you closer to your future self. It may take you hours, days, weeks. That is normal. We truly believe that the way we are is certain, difficult to change and that is how we are going to be all our life. It is difficult to let go of something even when we are in pain because the hole left behind seems scarier.
I know the idea of changing your mind may first sound hard to believe, but this is because you a scared to lose what you know already about yourself to pursue some future and unknown vision in 10 years. I am familiar with this feeling, these voices, and uncertainty.
Forget about labels
What I have said above?
I bet you have these or other beliefs about yourself that became who you think you are.
Alright, you have been born, raised at home, gone to school, university…etc. Throughout your life, you have heard many statements about yourself, some positive, some more negative, critical. I bet you remember the negative more than the positive ones or at least they left the biggest scars in your mindset which consequences you still experience. They hurt you deeply, so deeply and you repeat them subconsciously or loudly to yourself when life puts you in a difficult situation because this is all you know, not because they lift you up. They stop you or push you towards actions. Somehow you think they are protecting you not to make the “wrong” choice.
The most important question here is:
Why did we let this hurt us so much?
Was it because of what we have been told and the exact words that we have heard
or
because we heard some words, comments even said with an angry voice, and you chose to believe that what you hear is true, even it was negative about yourself? I suppose both.
Unfortunately, after some time, you do not remember even where all the negativity comes from and how this gradually became your personality that shapes your life.
I just believe that if you reach that point to read this article, you have reached the level of awareness where you can easily take the examples from your life. Each of us can tell at least three moments in his/her life when we couldn’t take action because once we have been told we are not good enough. Which is yours?
Reframe your past
The way you see your past depends on where you are in the present moment. Past is past. What is best about it? Its lessons! Past can show what to do or not to do in your present moment. Let’s say you have a bad experience, something turned your life upside down. You may choose to think how unlucky you are and life is unfair or be grateful about it and see what it has thought you and what it has tried to show you about yourself and move on.
I know you take everything personally, thinking there is no happiness for you or it is sooooo far away from you. If you continue to think this way, it adds a burden over your shoulder that you need to carry every day and the happiness becomes even more unreachable. On the other side, you may choose to think that this experience showed you something new and take it as a belief for your life, like wings that will help you fly towards your future self. Isn’t it better?!
If you choose in the present moment that your past was there to make you who you are today, you will be grateful and happy, because its lessons can help you in the situation you are in today.
Be-Do-Have
You want to have this and that, so you can do what you wish to do. I will give you a simple example — I will be happy with my life if I finally find a handsome, rich, smart man with thousands of other qualities that describe the perfect fit for you. Let me ask you a question: Hmm, do you think such a man will want to be with a woman that waits for him to start being happy? I guess — NO.
First “BE”
To become whatever you want, you need to embody the traits of this person, you need to practice being such a person and believe you are like this.
Second “DO”
Then comes the actions that are aligned with this person and the world that that person lives in.
Third “HAVE”
After that, you will start to attract what you want just because of being and acting from the point of your future self and the person you want to be.
Maybe you are not aware of the activities of your future self. Here is one tip: If there is a person that has the life you want, try to understand his/her behavior, what is his/her way, path, and look at what you may be missing from that. Here we are not talking about money and prosperity. They come after. We are talking about the steps and people this person met in his life to be where she/he is now and before that his/her mindset.
Maybe seems complicated or even difficult which is why daily action in the direction of your future self must be done, so we do not lose the feeling and keep remembering this vision of our future self. Make a plan to achieve that, ask for help, and yes getting from your comfort zone is a must.
I can imagine already that most of you are resistant here because we think that we need A+B+C to achieve what we want in life. A winner mindset always thinks from a position of what it already has to get there, not what it misses to achieve that.
For example and here I will give you my example — I recently find out for myself that I want to be a writer. So what is stopping me: Nothing! Do I have a pen and a notebook or a computer and thousands of ideas? Yes! So here is the first step: I need to sit and write.
Like Epictetus once said:
‘’If you want to be a writer, write.’’
The problem here comes that in our head writers are only people like John Steinbeck, Paolo Coelho, John Grisham — famous enough so whatever they write becomes a bestseller. No, writers could be anybody who thinks of himself as a writer. Only time will show if it is true if you stick to it.
Routine
Set your routine. I do not like using this word, but this is the best way to express the little habits that keep you on track towards where you are going. Do not forget you are getting to your future self, that means a new person. And that person has more different needs than you.
Let’s start small with little actions but daily and consistently like making your bed, applying a cream, make-up on your face. Women will laugh now. I know making the bed looks stupid but if it is done daily gives a sense of confidence and routine. Putting make-up is a way of self-respect. However please do not put on make-up for your boyfriend, but yourself. As I said small steps towards your future self.
You can include journaling that keeps track of your daily progress. At this point when you are starting, try to keep a journal of your daily activities, progress as well as reflect on your feelings.
Construct the environment
Let’s be honest, it is quite a challenge to do anything for the first time if there are so many obstacles around. You are trying to lose weight, but your fridge is full of ice cream. I am not saying it is not impossible to resist but this makes the game much harder. What I am trying to say is to limit the temptation for breaking the rules, but increase the ways to follow them. That is how we build habits and change our lives.
Built the environment that serves you, but does not fail you. For example, If you want to exercise, prepare your clothes the day before and put them in a visible place. It is simple, right?
I hope now you are already looking at the written story of your future self or at least you have the idea of how to make it. Then I will kindly ask you to put it somewhere visible and read it every day and imagine yourself being this person. You still think it sounds surreal, don’t you? However, trying does not hurt especially if you do it for yourself. I only ask you on the way of changing yourself to choose, grow, take care of your thoughts because that will create your reality and personality.
